Cross-Bearing Disciples

by Donald Hoffman

Mark 8:27-38

At the beginning of last week I had a cold, and Melody was out of town doing her good Samaritan deeds, and all the news was about the upcoming war with Iraq, which everyone thinks is certain to happen, and it looked like it could start as early as tomorrow night. I was really depressed. And for some reason, I went online, and did a Google search with the words "Congressional Medal of Honor." I found a website that listed every MH ever given, with the complete citations. Even if I hadn't already been depressed, it would only have taken two or three of those to bring me to tears. Let me read you the last half of just one of those citations:

It fills me with all sorts of conflicting emotions: pride and horror, soul-stirring glory and stomach-turning revulsion. If we get into a war, or even if we don't, I encourage you to go online and find and read a couple of MH citations.

"If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." Pfc. Martini did a self-denying act that showed courage and love. And yet I don't think that's what Jesus was talking about.

Another kind of self-denying, of course, is to strap dynamite around yourself, get on a bus crowded with children, and blow it all up. Here I feel much more of the horror and revulsion, yet I also sense this tiny wistful guilty feeling inside me: Why don't I treat my life and my death as seriously as these terrorists do? But I'm convinced that's not what Jesus was talking about.

I remember when I was sixteen, the oldest kid in our family. We had just that summer gotten something everyone else we knew had owned for years, a real TV set. That fall a marvelous new program was scheduled on Sunday nights, called "Maverick!"

Wild as the wind in Oregon, blowing up a canyon,
... ... Maverick is his name!

Oh, I loved that show! But as the oldest, it was my responsibility to walk my brothers home from Sunday evening church, and see that little brother Bill went to bed. There was always a hassle: he would dawdle, and I would yell, and by the time I finally got it all quieted down, Maverick was half over! And I would say to myself, "I know what it means to carry a cross, and my little brother is it!" But now I know that's not what Jesus meant.

"Let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Melody and I used to know a young woman who, the week after she graduated from High School, stepped on a downed power line. Of course they amputated that leg, but that was the easy part. It was hard to find undamaged places on her body from which to take skin cells to start grafts. And over and over a new skin graft failed. I used to think that ten years earlier we didn't have the technology to keep her alive, and maybe that would have been better. After months in the hospital, she had finally "improved" (if you can call it improvement) to the point where they were ready for reconstructive surgery, giving her a new jaw, a new cheekbone, a new nose. This was about the time that her father left the family because he couldn't stand the stress. And people said, "Such a terrible cross she has to bear, such a terrible cross her mother has to bear." But I don't think that's what Jesus was talking about.

"If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

I've told you several stories about suffering. The suffering of Gary Martini was noble. The suffering of the girl and her mother was heart-breaking. The suffering of the suicide bomber was vicious. My suffering in missing a tv show was frivolous. But when Jesus says, deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me, he doesn't mean any of these kinds of suffering. He may not mean suffering at all!

Please notice, that this scripture verse doesn't say, "deny yourself and be crucified." It says, "deny yourself, and carry the cross, and follow Jesus." We're not talking about crucifixion, we're talking about the time between sentence being pronounced and the actual death. The criminal is walking out of the prison, down the streets of town, out through the gates, up the hill, all the time carrying that cross. Most of the times when we try to imagine that, we think of the externals: the physical exertion, the pain after being tortured, the noise of the crowd. What we rarely try to imagine is the mind of the cross-bearer. What is he thinking about?

There is a famous line from Dr. Samuel Johnson, and it goes like this: " ... when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully."

Let me tell you, when you are carrying your cross, you have a wonderfully concentrated mind. What are you thinking about?

Well, we can be pretty sure you wouldn't be thinking about the television show you're missing. And you wouldn't be making lots of plans for the future. You probably wouldn't be thinking very much about whether the US is going to invade Iraq tomorrow. You wouldn't be wondering what's for dinner, and you wouldn't care

whether or not you paid the electric bill. Your mind is way too concentrated for any of those things.

In fact the stuff most folks call "reality" isn't likely to matter too much to the cross-bearer. She or he is already living in a different world. The people lining the road might be cheering or jeering, and the cross-bearer might not even notice. Or care. So what if you should be starting the spring planting? It's too late now. So what if your children aren't used to taking care of themselves? They're on their own now.

The cross-bearer isn't dying, quite, but getting ready to die. They don't pay much attention to the things that distract the rest of us. They don't think about the same things. They don't see the same things.

Several times in my life I've been privileged to spend time with someone who was getting ready to die. Even though they were all very different from each other, they did have one thing in common. They weren't interested at all in the things the rest of us cared about. It's almost as if they were listening to a different soundtrack or watching a different movie. Their minds were wonderfully concentrated on something else.

And Jesus tells us the "something else" we are supposed to concentrate on: following him. Pull your cross up onto your shoulders, focus your eyes on the heels of the Man in front of you, take a deep breath, and start walking. The load you are carrying is not what matters. What matters is the footsteps of the one in front of you.

You all know I am anything but athletic. But I have another brother who is very athletic. Not my brother Bill, who I couldn't get to bed, but my brother David. Every summer when we were home from college, he would somehow talk me into a three-day hike in the Idaho wilderness area, the Sawtooth Mountains.

The first day was always wonderful. We would start at 8000 feet altitude and walk up from there, carrying 50 pound packs. Beautiful scenery, incredible vistas!

The second day would be harder. We'd have to cross at least one high mountain pass, gasping with every step. But still beautiful, still exhilarating.

The third day: sheer torture. Shoulders stiff, legs sore, at least once a blister. Don't ask about the scenery. I would develop a kind of tunnel vision, where all I could see was the heels of David's boots. And I remember one time I got this stupid chorus running through my head, and I couldn't stop it:

"We are marching to Pretoria ..."

I couldn't even think of any verses, just the chorus, dead slow:

"We are mar-ching to Pre-to-ria ..."

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could have been going on right next to the trail, and I wouldn't have lifted my head. Keep your eyes on the heels in front. Don't think about anything but following. Get ready to die. Marching to Pretoria. It gives me a tiny hint of what cross-bearing discipleship means.

So carrying a cross doesn't have nearly as much to do with what the burden is, as it does with what you are paying attention to. And all the things you are not paying attention to.

The cross-bearer is looking only at Jesus, thinking only of Jesus, following only Jesus. She is getting ready to die. He is mentally saying goodbye to what everyone else thinks is the real world. Her mind is wonderfully concentrated on the things that are really important. There is nothing that can distract him.

Watch the feet of Jesus. Take a step. Take a step.

Watch the feet of Jesus. Take a step. Take a step.

We are Jesus' disciples. We are getting ready to die.