This free will of ours surely is a complicated gift !!! Intimately connected with free will is the human gift to question. Some folks question everything. Sometimes the results are good and sometimes they are not. Questioning God and His ways comes up over and over throughout the Bible in both the Old and the New Testament. For some figures such as Abraham, not questioning brings a reward. For some folks, such as Adam, Eve, and Zachariah, questioning brings sin and punishment. For others such as Mary, Thomas, and those guys in today's gospel (Peter, James, and John), questioning brings an eventual deepening of faith.

I am sure the "need" to qustion is influenced by many things, including one's personality. One of my favorite sayings, however, to those I love and with whom I work, family, friends, kids, student teachers, and Lay Dominicans in formation, concerns "not checking your brain at the door." As a Dominican and as an educator, I am inwardly compelled to question. The mind is a wonderful gift to humanity. Maybe you think so, too!!

So where does that make us fit in our own eyes, the eyes of others, the eyes of the Official Church, and in God's eyes? Well, I have to begin with God and what I think about relationships. Using the first reading about Abraham, it was clear that Abraham was in a right relationship with His God. His heart and soul were in the right place, seeking to trust Him. So, too with others in the Scriptures who "thirsted" for God and trusted Him rather than approached Him with furrowed brow and crossed arms.

I think God is accepting of our intentions, those way down deep that only He knows. For me, asking those hard questions of God and of myself when I don't understand has to be done with a basic trust and thirst within me for Him and His will. Ultimately, the questioning has to end with a surrender to Him.. either to His answer ( yes or no) or to His silence.

For me, to investigate, perhaps even as the "devil's advocate" ( the term sounds weird here but the term itself has meaning ) as I am questioning is second nature. I "have to" know both sides of the answer. I want to know why. Now that can be a royal pain, I know... and it does certainly lead to arguing. As in the days of "disputatio", I find sincere arguing to be the only way to attain the truth. As I grow older and learn more from others than from what I already know, I find that there is ALWAYS some truth on both sides of an issue. (Look at our own dilemma here in the US about war!)

There are two "musts" for me regarding this matter. In order to question God and remain in favor with Him, it must be done with the intent to know Him better so as to do His will. That is done through prayer, pure and simple. (Well, not so simple because Scripture and tradition, including the teachings of the Church do enter in.) If I have that basic intent in place, then God's eyes and my eyes are the "ayes" ( as in affirmation) that count. I do care about others and I do care about the Official Church, but only secondarily. I try to be in conformity with those and sometimes I try to influence them. It goes back to intent... Whose will is the untimate Word? As it says in the second reading, "It is God who acquits us, who will condemn?" (When I am not in conformity with others or the church, I also feel compelled to continue to seek that harmony, however, and find out more about the "why" and the '" why not".)

Would we all would have the faith of Abraham so that we could give up our most prized treasure, whatever that might be, to do the will of God! If we truly believed consistently that "God was for us", we would, I think, be able to do so, too ... consistently. But that is why we have Lent, to learn how to do all of this "better". Thank God, because for this human who loves to question, it is not easy!!

(Comments to Lanie at lanieleblanc@onebox.com.)