Since I usually participate in the RCIA rites which use Cycle A readings, I found these readings from Cycle B not as familiar as I'd like to admit! They provided me much food for reflection, however, on basic human nature and myself.

The Gospel reading says Jesus " would not trust himself to them because he knew them all and did not need anyone to testify about human nature. He himself understood it well." The "them" refers to those who were new followers because of the signs they witnessed. I'm not sure what the theologians say about this concept and I surely can not claim to know what Jesus actually felt, but I sense a statement here that proclaims the "fully human, fully divine" Jesus. Jesus knew the fickleness of human nature from both perspectives. It is true that the tendencies of the "human condition" thwart even the very best intentions. Jesus seemed to acknowledge this in his life in many ways, but most especially by his constant communication with the Father.

As I re-read the Exodus passage of God's commandments, I had to stop and really think about them. So familiar, but how attentive am I to their intent on a consistent basis? Since each of us is a sinner, at least one of these applies personally! How easy to get caught up in everyday life, and in the changing world situation, so that these become commandments for others and not ourselves. that is a pull of human nature.

I won't bare my soul, but I certainly can bow my head very low and very long when I think of my many attempts, personally and with my family, to keep the Sabbath. I manage to encourage a brief discussion of the readings and homily and, thanks to a Religion teacher who has my 15 yr. old daughter's class write a brief reflection each Monday morning, God gets some extra time on Sunday after Mass. I do prohibit things like doing laundry and cleaning, and my daughter is quick to remind me that putting away her clothes or finishing homework fall into " we shouldn't work on Sundays". Sometimes it seems fitting and sometimes it doesn't. I become discouraged when my efforts "to do something fun as a family" don't quite materialize.

What concerns me about my personal attitude (and that attitude that I am passing on) is that I am often missing the "celebration" of the freedom of the commandments. The Sabbath is for rest and rejuvenation, for remembering the goodness of the Lord and our blessings. Each of the commandments has that celebratory aspect to it that overshadows the 'thou shalt not" requirement. Is it human nature that defaults (how's that for a modern word) to the negative? Must we constantly scream out in our souls that we are made in God's image and therefore should proclaim His goodness in all we do?

The answer seems to be in Paul's first letter to the Corinthians which reminds us of this contest between the human and the divine: "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength".

The fully human and fully divine Jesus knew the answer, the answer was that constant communication with God.

I think Lent is about denying who we are, not in the sense of forgetting or ignoring, but in the sense of acknowledging and surrendering those human aspects within us that are obstacles to the divine. I may sometimes THINK I am wise and strong in the Faith, (that "I'm not so bad a person" attitude) but if I put myself too close to who God is, I am foolish indeed! God initiates, God leads, God directs, God changes, God does the "putting" closer, with my effort or without it, with my knowledge or without it. "God is God and I am not" is a good thing for me to remember each Lent. God gives us the commandments and the beatitudes in love, to remind us that we are indeed, made in His image by Him. He knows we need reminders, and do we ever!!! Maybe I can look at these commandments and their application to my life with not only the purging look of the "Catholic during Lent"mentality but that celebratory one after all that will permeate my entire life!

I am truly glad that God is in charge. I can't manage to get my family to Zoo Atlanta on a sunny Spring Sunday let along orchestrate this world of ours and all of the complex people in it.

(Comments to Lanie at lanieleblanc@onebox.com.)