I will be visiting a small church while out of town; I am assuming that they will use Cycle B readings since it is in a small town of mostly retirees and some vacationers. I wonder how the mostly elderly congregation will respond to these readings. Although I am still shy of elderly, I wonder if my reaction will match theirs.

I responded to these readings with a sense of quiet resignation, a kind of "that is just the way it is" feeling. I found the readings quite philosophical and almost somber in tone. Even though the first reading has a joyful message of "God will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no longer", the joy part seems so far off to me. Maybe it is the use of future tense and "after those days" that made it seem like the sin still ruled and the rescue was so very far in the distant future. I thought about the horror of the current war when I read it... and I cried for the present.

I loved the second reading, but it again seemed rooted in the suffering of Jesus more than the seemingly too distant promise of eternal life. Even in the gospel , Jesus says "I am troubled now". That is how I feel.

The readings do not get "stuck" there; they progress to the hope of the future. I am stuck there! Why am I stuck there? I think that I am feeling part of what Jesus meant when he continued and said " I will draw everyone to myself". In order to partake of the glory of the Father and the Resurrection as Jesus did, we must first be joined with Him and His sufferings. That is where I am, not stuck, but held, drawn in love closer to Jesus. His embrace does not shield me from suffering, so it does not "feel" good to me. Although loving, it does not feel tender. Although strong, it makes me feel weak.

Feeling weak is good. It means that maybe, just maybe, I will surrender this Lent to the God who tells me that I am part of the picture when He says: " I will be their God and they shall be my people." That is one of my favorite parts of Scripture. Imagine, God still claims me/us ! The thought brings a slight smile, but also a deeper recognition of the non-Godlike things within me and around me. I think of myself and of humanity and what we do to each other, often in the name of God. My thoughts go back to the war. What does God think about it? Jesus said , "I will draw EVERYONE to myself". EVERYONE...

The questions persist. The only answer is God, or rather the mystery of God. I believe strongly in the mystery of God even though I can not put what that means into a definition or even understandable speech. It is what happens when I dwell on that assurance of God and allow God to turn that slight smile into a wider grin.

My best friend told me that what I really needed was to sit before the Blessed Sacrament and let God tell me how much He loves me. What a thought! It goes several steps beyond repeating "I will be their God and they shall be my people" as I often do. I need several steps right now to move on . God is good to have given me such a wise, holy, and insightful best friend. I hope that the homilist where I visit has had the benefit of such guidance so that the doom and gloom parts of the readings can be tempered with the glory that will shine through it all. The Good News includes the sufferings of Good Friday, the waiting of Holy Saturday, and the joy of Easter Sunday. Oops, I almost said "Alleluia!" and it is still Lent!

(Comments to Lanie at lanieleblanc@onebox.com.)