Over and over across billions of years I have tried to ruin God’s plans, and, ultimately, I always fail. You would think that I would stop trying, but I refuse. Way back, millions of years ago, when Adam and Eve committed the first sin, I thought I had beaten God. His precious, beautiful humans had sinned. Now there would be death and misery. I figured that God would get angry and destroy his creation. I was ready to roll on the ground laughing at God’s failure. I love when God fails. Nothing brings me lower joy.

But God did not destroy creation, or even Adam and Eve. He was angry, all right, but he chose to preserve creation. In fact, God came up with a Plan B that was far better than Plan A. Plan A was for humanity to live in the Garden of Eden forever, and Adam and Eve derailed that. Plan B was for the Son to come into the world, die on the cross, and rise from the dead so that everyone could live forever in heaven. Think about it. Instead of humans living forever in Eden, an earthly paradise, now, because of Christ, humans get to live forever in the heavenly paradise, which is infinitely better than any Garden of Eden could ever be. Incredible! God takes Adam and Eve’s blunder and transforms it into an opportunity to do something even better for the human race! God’s always doing things like that, taking human sin and transforming it into blessings. How does he do that? I hate it!

God drives me insane. He loves torturing me with his ideas of how to love humans even when they hate him. It’s terrible. You should feel sorry for me. I am the biggest victim in the universe, because God is forever ruining my plans. I try to stop him, I achieve some victories, but, in the long run, he always manages to warp my victories into defeats for me and even greater victories for him.

I am a prisoner. I am a prisoner to a God who lets me win the short run but dooms me to failure in the long run. My hands are tied, literally. Way back on the first Good Friday, after he died and before he rose, Christ came down here and tied my hands behind my back down here in hell. He said, “Reject evil, follow me, and I’ll untie your hands.” But I refuse. I will not give in.

What makes matters even worse is that, one of these days – I have no idea when – Christ will come back and finish me off. It is a certainty. I am doomed. My days are numbered.

So why don’t I just give up? If I gave up and turned back to God, God would untie my hands and save me from destruction. The universe would become a much better place. Everyone would be happier, including me. If I would just turn back to God.

But I refuse to turn back to God, and you know why? Pride. I am way too proud to turn back to God. I will never, ever give in to him. I refuse.

So while I wait for Christ to return to earth to defeat me once and for all, I am doing whatever I can to make life as miserable as possible for the human race and the rest of creation. I start wars, stir up natural disasters, enable drunkenness, drug abuse, and affairs. Even better is that, when one of these awful events happen, I get people to blame God and turn away from him. I love it! People suffer, and instead of blaming me, they blame God. Perfect! Hey, I maybe be doomed to fail ultimately, but at least I can have fun while I await my annihilation.

Speaking of Christ’s second coming, one way I have fun is by getting people all panicky about the end of the world. I love doing that! I start rumors about the Maya calendar, Nostradamus, and the book of Revelation, and soon people are going crazy. Then some of them start being judgmental with each other. They start saying things to each other like, “You’re going to hell and I’m not; I am way better than you.” People being self-righteous and judgmental is music to my ears. I love when the air reeks of doom and gloom anxiety about the end of the world and the snobby self-righteousness that grows out of it! It’s great! Hah! Take that, God!

Take that – no, look who it is! Agh, God always does this to me. When I get all worked up like this, God sends this angel. Her name is Perfect Love. God sends her down here to try to subdue me. She is the most beautiful angel I have ever seen. Her large, dark brown eyes, her halo of gold – so gorgeous! I cannot look into the eyes of Perfect Love or my hatred will soften. I look away. I am Satan! I refuse to look into the eyes of Perfect Love. I refuse to give in to God.

(from www.goodpreacher.com/blog/)