Key words: thorn, vulnerability, patience, gathered, upheld and sent
Most people I know enjoy roses--at least they enjoy the beautiful blossoms and the wonderful scents. But most people don't enjoy the rose thorns and the scratches received from those thorns. I know that from the many times I have worked amongst roses and a few days later have wondered at why I had a sore spot on my finger. When I check it out, often I find a thorn has festered under the skin. I only receive relief when I remove the thorn and use a warm compress to relieve the infection.
Some days my arms look like I have had a fight with a cat because the thorns have scratched me up so badly--it's the plant's defence against being pruned and dug around. The scratches are often painful and because the roses have been fertilized and/or sprayed with some sort of pesticide and the scratches become infected easily if not taken and cleansed properly. My roses also won't grow, however, unless I take the time to care for them and that means fertilizing, digging around them, and pruning them and that means working with the thorns. I have to prune off the weak branches in order to give strength to the larger stems so that the beautiful blossoms that you and I enjoy wi ll grow and bloom. It can be very painful work to take a bush and severely prune it but I know that it is the only way to strengthen it.
Our lessons today speak being pruned by God as he works through our weaknesses to make us strong, recognizing our vulnerabilities and letting God work through those vulnerabilities so that we receive his grace. But the lessons also speak to how we let God work in and through us with others when our communities and families reject or abandon us and of how God gathers, upholds and sends us into the world to minister with God working through us, despite our frailties to do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.
David is a good example of how God works through circumstances to put people where God wants him/her. David could have become very puffed up with pride and done things his way, but he didn't. He is only too aware of his humanity and his frailties. He knows that it is only through the grace of God that he has won battles and has survived even though Saul had plotted to have him killed. Now we are told that Saul and his son, Jonathan, David's best friend, are both dead and the people of Judah and Israel have come to David asking him to be their King and to lead them. God had arranged to have David anointed, through Samuel to be king many years back, but it has taken a long time for it to come to fruition.
The psalm tells of how David praised God for leading him through the difficult times and how David has tried to remain faithful to his God. David must have many moments when he was afraid and wondered where his God was and yet, he remained faithful. In this reading we see how God has put David where God wants him--leading the people of Israel into worship and a time of knowing their God in a different way. It was and continued to be a difficult pruning. Throughout his long reign, David must have often felt that some of his advisors, like Nathan the prophet, were thorns in his flesh, but those were the people who kept him in the straight and narrow, directing him ever back to listening to what God would have him do and to where God was working in his life. Not everything came easily to David for he still had much to learn, often in difficult ways.
We learn from David that even when we go through times which test our faith, our spirituality, even our very being, that as long as we try to stay close to God, to pray even when we don't believe we can, that God will bring us through the difficult times and strengthen us, and put us where we can make a difference.
Paul rarely speaks of his weaknesses but in this passage he speaks of "the thorn in his flesh". It must have bothered him greatly to have a weakness yet he acknowledges that it is through this weakness that God worked. Possibly it was a physical ailment or maybe Paul felt that there was something lacking in his own faith and spirituality but whatever it was, Paul acknowledged that he had a problem that he could do nothing about, and that God refused to heal despite Paul's prayers. How many of us would be so upfront with a family or community with which we are part of, especially when that community is looking for faults and criticizes what we do. It would be so easy to give up.
Jesus could have done the same thing in the gospel lesson. In Jesus' day, to be called the "son of Mary" was a derogatory slur for it meant that the people of his own village considered him an illegitimate child, therefore, Jesus was not able to inherit land or buy property. It would be a difficult position for Christ as he was the eldest son and under the Law responsible to care for his mother, Mary, after Joseph's death. Imagine how Mary would have felt hearing her son derided and scorned, for she pondered many things in her heart, we are told throughout scripture. The manner of Jesus' birth could have embittered Christ and his mother, but instead he found other ways to minister to people who would hear his teachings and receive his ministry of healing. Both Paul and Christ teach us that we may have to learn new ways to cope with difficult circumstances and it means relying on God to show us how. It calls for us to love one another as we love our God and ourselves. It calls for patience, prayer, and a belief that God has not abandoned us even when it seems we are very much alone.
Some of you may be able to relate to these feelings--I know I can. This past year has been a very difficult year. There has been major illness and surgery and it's not over yet--the doctors are still monitoring a couple of growths. I haven't been able to do much ministry, much less prepare liturgies, sermons, or prayers. Everything that gave me life was taken away because some people felt that they knew better than God what I needed and how I should worship God. I wondered where God was in all of this--through the pain, the loss of friends, the constant turn downs as I tried to find a position and/or a diocese. It was really hard to believe that God was in all of this. Yet, I continued to pray, often only able to say "Lord I believe, help my unbelief". Strangely, others could find God through me as I did my field placement at a long term care facility and continued to be chaplain at the hospital, both places where weakness is common and death and dying are a everyday occurrence. What gave these sick and/or elderly frail people strength in their weakness? What could I learn from them? It was their faith and their belief in their God and their support of one another. Strangely enough, it was the support of a the Internet community as I read their thoughts, prayers, and sermons on the lists I subscribe to that kept me going and sometimes as I chatted with them on-line and found out what was happening in their lives. There was also the unexpected support of Wycliffe classmates who didn't know what I was going through, just that I was physically very ill. They prayed for me when I was too tired and weak to pray. And then there were a few people in Sudbury, some laity, some chaplains, and some lay readers who held me up in prayer only knowing that I had asked for strength to keep going to finish my final year at seminary, that my son would be cared for, and that God would find some type of ministry for me--a ministry that would let me touch God's face once more and give me life. Maybe that's what Paul and Jesus Christ searched for in the midst of the criticisms.
What were the lessons for me? To have patience, to be aware of my limitations, to continue to have faith when it doesn't make sense, to continue to hope and bring hope to others, to give thanks for little glimpses of light in the darkness, and to believe that the "Guy with the sandals" aka Christ, knows what we need when we need it. I learned that God does not abandon or reject us but carries us through when we can no longer stand. The pruning was severe for me this year but in a way my strength has come through finding my weaknesses and learning to minister through that weakness. I think that is our challenge these days. To acknowledge that we cannot always be strong, but through God, we receive strength, life, and the ability to be present and work with and through others so that Christ's love and presence may be known in their lives.
Where do we go from here? God has gathered us, from different places, lives, homes, and communities into this sacred space where we allow God to touch our hearts and lives through liturgy, prayer and praise to God. We are responsible to uphold one another, just as Christ held up his disciples in prayer, just as David help up the people he rules in prayer, just as Paul constantly lifted up many Christian communities and people in prayer. Then God anoints us with Her Spirit so that we can go out into the world to minister using the gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses in our lives to touch others, to uphold and strengthen them so that they too may feel Christ's love in their lives. When we accept the anointing of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we are challenged to continue praying and ministering even when it seems we are alone, unwanted, unloved, and challenged by people we thought were friends and companions. In the end, we will be strengthened and God will put us where we are needed and will have effect, just as David, Paul and Christ were put where God needed them.
We are being challenged to work with the thorns and to accept the pruning, and difficult times no matter how much it may hurt. Today I can look back on the past year and say that God was with me even though it seemed She wasn't at many times. Today I can affirm that God works in strange and mysterious ways to enable ministry despite what people may do or say. David, Paul and Jesus show us how to begin again. It won't be easy--it will be difficult at times, but our hope and our belief is in the Lord. And that hope and belief is borne out in unexpected, almost impossible events that happen in our lives. Today I can tell you that this past Thursday I was hired as chaplain at Pioneer Manor (a long term care facility), something that wasn't possible and didn't seem even remotely feasible two months ago or even three weeks ago. But through strange and mysterious ways, God has worked to make it happen. I can't say I have enjoyed the process or the pruning and challenges of the past year. But it has strengthened me and forced me to look at surrendering my wants and my very being to God and taking on a new way of looking at life. Probably most of you have experienced similar events in your lives, in your parish communities, and in your friendships. Only when we go through these challenges and surrender ourselves to God can we find strength in our weaknesses which enables new beginnings.
The following poem written by Ted Loder speaks to new beginnings, to starting over, finding strength in our weakness, being pruned and having faith in God.
Help Me to Believe in Beginnings
Ted Loder
(Guerrillas of Grace)
God of history and of my heart,
so much as happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I've known death and birth'
I've been brave and scared;
I've hurt, I've helped;
I've been honest, I've lied;
I've destroyed, I've created;
I've been with people, I've been lonely;
I've been loyal, I've betrayed;
I've decided, I've waffled;
I've laughed and I've cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history --
and now another day begins.
O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I've failed before.
Help me to make beginnings:
to begin going out of my weary mind into fresh dreams,
daring to make my own bold tracks in the land of now;
to begin forgiving, that I may experience mercy;
to begin questioning the unquestionable, that I may know truth;
to begin disciplining, that I may create beauty;
to begin sacrificing, that I may accomplish justice;
to begin risking, that I may make peace;
to begin loving, that I may realize joy.
Help me to be a beginning for others,
to be a singer to the songless,
a storyteller to the aimless,
a befriender of the friendless;
to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,
of assurance for the doubting,
of reconciliation for the divided;
to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,
of comfort for the sorrowing,
of friendship for the forgotten;
to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,
of sweetness for the soured,
of gentleness for the angry,
of wholeness for the broken,
of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.
Help me to believe in beginnings,
to make a beginning,
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old,
but grow new,
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.
(Comments to Allison at aacline@isys.ca.)